Jack Welch was one of the most famous CEO’s of his time. So how do you buttonhole him at a book signing and get him to speak at a class he’s never even heard of?

“Is it a ridiculous idea for you to speak at the negotiation class I teach at USC?” Chris Voss asked.

Chris wasn’t offering a dime. And he’d never even met Jack before.

But sure enough, Jack turned up that fall and spoke to Chris’ students!

Chris Voss is the former FBI lead hostage negotiator. In his superb book Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It, Chris helps us apply those negotiating lessons to our business and personal relationships.  

I had the pleasure of seeing Chris speak this morning at an event in New York. Here are some of my favorite insights from today…

Getting to No

Getting to Yes was an international best seller. But it’s the wrong approach, according to Chris.

When someone tries to get me to agree to something, I get nervous. Where is this leading, and what’s it going to cost?

We’re uncomfortable saying yes. And if you’re making someone uncomfortable from the outset, good luck building a relationship.

“No one tries to get you to say yes if they’re not taking you someplace.”

Chris Voss

Instead, try to get the person you’re negotiating with to say no.

Chris wanted Jack Welch to say no to his question. That kept Jack comfortable and in control.

Comfortable enough to do exactly what Chris wanted!

I’ve already used this on one person so far today. 🙂

Connecting with Sales Prospects

Chris was on the phone with a man whose son had been kidnapped in Haiti. He had just a few minutes to show this distraught father that he was in good hands.

So he explained that Haitian kidnappers were not killing victims. Instead, they were releasing them in just a few days.

And sure enough, a couple days later, the boy walked free.

The minute you meet someone, they decide if you’re worth dealing with. How do you show them both competence and empathy with their situation?

By showing that you know what they’re up against!

Let’s say I’m talking to a founder I just met. Why should she deal with an angel she doesn’t know?

I can build a relationship between us if I can show I understand her struggles.

I might say something like this:

“Many startups are having a harder time selling as corporate budgets contract. Meanwhile, if you’re not doing generative AI, the fundraising market is a mess.”

Even if I’m wrong about the founder’s challenges, she can correct me. At that point, she’s on my side helping me, and we’ve begun to build a relationship.

Wrap-Up

None of this stuff is a trick. Instead, Chris offers ways to empathize, build relationships, and work together with others.

“As long as you sincerely try to show people that you heard them, they will forgive you for mistakes and will always be willing to deal with you again.”

Chris Voss

I strongly encourage you to read Chris’s book. I plan to reread it again soon!

What do you struggle with in negotiation? Leave a comment and let us know!

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